


we live through scars this time

by wrongtree



Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-04-22 20:23:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4849277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrongtree/pseuds/wrongtree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>an angsty garden party in which nick and harry haven't seen each other for a while.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we live through scars this time

**Author's Note:**

> this was written in about an hour and only read over for mistakes by myself, so i suspect there are some. it was really only meant for tumblr but i wanted to add it here just to make it easier on the eyes to read!

he hovers over his contacts list for twenty minutes, locking his phone and opening it again to stare at the characters a bit longer. before he thinks better of it, harry hits the name and types out a message.

_you going to the selfridges after party?_

he locks his phone again and sets it down with shaky hands. it stays blank for another twenty minutes and his heart is pounding in his chest when the screen finally lights up with a response.

_got work, but douglas wants people over on sat xx_

harry runs his hands through his hair before answering. _is he extending that invitation?_

_course, you're always welcome._

harry scoffs, doesn't believe it. he's only been in london for a few hours and already feels suffocated.

he sends an ‘okay’ and pockets his phone, deciding it's probably time to go visit samantha to get ready for the miu miu event.

stumbling into his flat at 3 something in the morning, harry sees that he has a whatsapp message from some number that isn't programmed in his phone. judging by the context, it's from douglas.

_nick says you're in london town! we're meeting at the gardens for tea. 5 ish? hope to see you there mate! x_

harry's too exhausted to respond, just leaves it unanswered and plugs his phone in as far from his bed as possible so he won't be tempted to check it again and again. no one is messaging him anyway.

folding his suit up nicely so samantha doesn't yell at him when he returns it, harry strips naked and steps into a hot shower. it stings his skin but he revels in it, feeling something for the first time all night, events are always draining. letting his inhibitions go a little bit, he thinks about how much fun they used to be with nick all those years ago. when they'd get drunk and laugh at everyone who was trying too hard, then laugh at themselves for doing the same. it was easier with nick, he made harry feel like himself.

unfortunately, dropping his guard and letting himself reminisce about nick also opens the memories of them falling into bed together, kissing sloppily as they stripped each others clothes off, pressing as close as they could while grinding their pelvises together.

harry's dick twitches at the thought, and he hates himself enough that he doesn't stop his hand from wrapping around it under the hot spray of the water. he thumbs the tip of his cock as he thinks about fumbling around with nick, the sweet nothings they whispered, the moans they shared. he tightens his grip and strokes himself faster and faster as the memories flood in.

he comes into his palm with a gasp, feeling too hot in his skin, almost ashamed for letting himself get to this point. he'd locked those kinds of memories of nick away long ago.

feeling weighed down by the burden of his own bones, harry flops heavily onto his bed, still naked, still damp from the shower, and quickly falls into a dreamless sleep.

//

saturday rolls around faster than expected and harry's only sent two texts, both to douglas letting him know he'd be there and clarifying which garden he meant. he trusts nick will know he's coming through douglas.

the garden turns out to be daisy's, so he's fairly familiar with it. unfortunately it doesn't give him an excuse for being forty-five minutes late, seeing as he knew exactly how to get there. what held him up was the serious pep talk with his scowl in the mirror and a quick call to his mum. who reassured him that yes he was welcome there and that they were his friends and that everything would be fine and to not forget to bring something along with him.

he hopes a bottle of wine and tesco's pie will be enough.

he lets himself into daisy's garden with unsteady hands, walking right into the hub of the gathering.

daisy herself is the first one who notices him.

“HARRY! hello love!” she exclaims, bouncing over to him and wrapping him up in a warm hug. she smells like flowers and home cooking. it eases his nerves a little bit.

“brought wine.” he offers, holding it up.

“come put it on the table then.” she says, leading him into the backyard more.

sat around her glass table are a bunch of familiar faces, ones he hasn't seen in person in ages. pixie and george are there, laughing at busta snuff in a little hat. dougie b is there, of course, nursing some kind of cocktail. gillian and alexa are playing with their phones. there's no sign of nick though, but harry can hear him laugh from somewhere inside daisy's house.

“have a seat, mate.” douglas says, pulling out the empty seat beside him.

“thanks” harry says, taking it.

he's just finished pulling himself in closer to the table when aimee, nick, and michael file out into the garden. nick's hand is on michael's waist and harry has to swallow a lump in his throat.

“hey dickhead!” aimee says, walking over and punching his arm before kissing both cheeks. “been ages, hazza! read in the papers that you died and thought it might be true this time.” she winks.

“stole my seat.” michael says, but when harry looks at him he's smiling and sitting down in another chair.

“harry styles!” nick says, finally.

“nick grimshaw.” harry nods.

“how's america been?” nick asks, sitting himself down on michael's lap.

“hot, mostly. long. s' big y'know?” harry flips his hair off his forehead and shakes it out, stares at his hands instead of at nick loved up in some man’s lap.

nick can't stifle his laugh. “sorry, sorry. my brain can't help but radio-ize it and i'm thinking about how funny that clip would be out of context.”

“fuckin' idiot” michael says, whacking nick over the head.

“oohhhh wine!” nick exlcaims, unfazed. “and it's fancy posh which means harold's brought it.”

nick tries to pry the cork out with his teeth but aimee quickly grabs it from him. “have some class, grim. gonna break a tooth.”

the group chats idly for a while, mostly about recent holidays they've taken. harry wasn't a part of any of them and feels left out no matter how much they try to fill him in and include him. the things they laugh at go right over his head since he wasn’t there.

eventually daisy goes in and brings out a tray of cubed fruits, “just for haz,” she jokes.

as the sun sets everyone gets softer and fuzzier around the edges. both from the fading light and the sweet drinks daisy had supplied them all with. the alcohol makes harry feel heavier, rather than lighter. his thoughts darker and darker like the sky around them.

half the group leaves after pie, leaving daisy, nick, aimee, michael, douglas, and harry sat quietly outside.

“getting more and more like pete in my old age,” nick says apropos of nothing, sitting in his own chair now. “soon as he hit fifty he was always cold. it's starting in on me! gonna be an iceman before forty.”

“it's warmer inside!” daisy suggests, standing up and ushering everyone through the glass doors to her sitting room.

while everyone settles themselves into the plush furniture harry excuses himself to the kitchen for some water, and a breather.

he stands tensely against the counter for a moment, fingers digging into the cold edge of the sink.

“hey.”

the voice makes harry jump, of course it's nick.

“uh, hi.” harry says sheepishly.

“lose something down the drain?”

“what? oh, uh, no. just, uhm? looking? thinking?”

nick chuckles lightly, “don't hurt yourself.”

“yeah.” suddenly harry can't do this. he hasn't seen nick in months and this is the most awkward conversation they've ever had. he already regrets contacting nick at all. shouldn't have come tonight.

“oi, styles.”

harry blinks up at nick, who's looking at him curiously.

“huh?”

“there you are, mate. asked if you've seen lovely anne since you've been back.”

“oh, uh, no. might go up this weekend, maybe not though.”

nick nods, filling his wine glass.

“how are pete and eileen?” harry asks.

“good yeah, mum's got an indoor garden now. loads of like, oxygen-y plants or sommat. says they need better air for the winter, read it online. yet they always take the mick for my juice cleanses! impossible.” nick throws his hands up and leans against the counter, shaking his head.

the silence sits heavy between them. harry's thoughts are running at top speed through his brain. he's surprised he catches it when michael walks past the kitchen, stopping to give nick a look. harry's guessing it's a silent question if nick's alright, if he needs to be saved from the dreaded conversation with harry. harry's shoulders collapse a little bit.

nick must convey that he's fine because michael continues on.

harry breaks the silence with a whispered question, “are you happy?”

nick doesn't say anything for a moment and harry braves a look at him. his forehead is wrinkled with furrowed brows and he's playing nervously with the corner of his mouth. harry can almost see him trying to form the answer in his mind.

harry feels like he should be able to hear his own heart falling to pieces in his chest through the silence, but he just feels numb.

“i am, harry, yeah.” nick finally says, possibly even quieter than harry asked. “things are good.”

“i'm glad,” harry mumbles. making eye contact with nick he says, “i only ever wanted you to be happy.”

a single tear runs down harry's face as nick steps across the kitchen and wraps him up in a tight hug. “you made me happy too, harry. so so happy.” he whispers into harry's hair.

when he lets go he holds harry's shoulders and says "i'm sorry" before gently kissing his forehead.

“i should go,” harry decides.

“want me to say goodbye to the others?” nick offers.

harry's grateful that nick doesn't ask him to stay. at least not this time. not like he did months and months ago when harry didn't have a choice but to leave.

“please,“ harry nods. “tell daisy thanks, and sorry for not saying it myself. s' rude of me, but.” harry waves his hand. he knows nick will know.

he didn’t think to bring a coat so it's easy for him to just sneak out a door.

as he turns to leave the kitchen nick speaks up. “haz.” harry turns to face him again but nick's staring at the floor. “you were always it, yeah? every single time.”

harry can't say anything back. he's almost mad at nick for saying anything. all he does is leave and walk numbly to his car, doesn't even put on music as he drives. just puts his foot to the pedal and follows the dark streets away from nick.


End file.
